Most cold emails are too long, too vague, and way too safe. If you want replies, here’s what works:
Hey {{firstName}},
I know one of the biggest challenges for commercial cleaning companies is finding real, paying business clients.
That’s why I’m offering something different.
I’ll find one actual, interested business client for your company, completely complimentary.
My proposal, I can reach out to qualified businesses that needs cleaning services, secure their interest, and pass the lead directly to you. This is my way of providing trust to you and to show how effective our tool is at generating high quality clients.
If you’re interested, just reply yes, and I’ll ask a couple quick questions to make sure I’m sending the right communications to your potential clients.
That’s it. Just a few lines. No pitch deck. No “can we schedule a call?” Just a clear, irresistible offer with one step forward: reply “yes.”
If you really want to boost replies, add one personalized line at the top. Something specific about them a recent post, a client win, anything that shows you're not mass spamming.
Saw you just picked up that office park contract, congrats!
Stop overloading people. You don’t need paragraphs. You don’t need any links. You don’t need your life story.
You need one irresistible sentence, one clear CTA, and maybe one personalized line. That’s how you get replies.
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